What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
13.06.2025 12:34
I waited trembling.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
What is the one thing you don't understand that others do?
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
What will the legacy of Jimmy Carter be in light of his death today at 100?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I said to her
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Is heroin really as good as people say it is?
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Have you ever had your crush reject you, and then later you all dated and married?
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
How do I build muscle easily with isometrics?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
I will be 64.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
I think the readers, may guess!
She was in good health!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
We all went to grammer schools
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
Is it possible for the AfD to ever win the chancellorship in Germany?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
I don,t even have a pension.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I have no regrets .
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
What are 5 ways that can be done by the community to improve the public transport system?
Put me off passion for life!!
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Why is my older sister so mean to me as if I was her enemy?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
He knew the spot.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
And i lived it daily.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
One cannot live in the past .
Im dying but, im not bitter.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I was seconnd youngest,
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
On the 31st of Jan this month .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
It was going to be , some day.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
My family never makes their pension either.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
He resisted the act ,that day.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But ive been too sick for many years..
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I never cut or harmed myself..
All the time i was locked up.
Ive learnt so much.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
I write beautiful poetry .
Especially a lifetime of it.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
This is soul school!.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
Who then, do I blame.?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
But it wasn’t much.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I could never make a relationship work though!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I was 9 years of age.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
She married twice! .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was very sick at this time too.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im still living with it.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I was scared of men, in general
So, i spoilt her more .
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
She loved him until the end.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
She found it foreign!.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Where the ultimate outsiders.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
So whats the point in blame.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She wouldn,t have been !
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
What did i know ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Comes on , in middle age.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
Would this be the day?
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
We were not on the streets..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
My life is so biszare .
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I couldn’t, believe it.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
But, we were locked up after school.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers